Home is Where You Hang your Fannypack

dearjohnletter.tumblr.com

2009-08-01T13:18:00.001-04:00

Dear alliemyers.blogspot.com,

I’m sure by now, you’ve talked to my Xanga. Maybe you knew this was coming? Maybe it comes as a terrible shock? Either way, I think it’s time I start seeing other blogging sites, namely tumblr. It’s been great sharing the past few years with you, from Supreme Court nominee speculations to the youtube video of that Asian lady on Big Brother who really wanted cookies.

We can always stay great friends for about a year, then after an uncomfortable late-night encounter fizzle off and stop talking forever. Right?

Previously yours,

Allie 3.0 (alliemyers.tumblr.com)

Passive Aggression

2009-07-24T12:46:00.005-04:00

Your gchat status is not your diary. Stop using it as such.

Whew.

My birthday is Sunday!

Now, back to abstracts and Powerpoint(s?).

Passive aggressively yours,
Allie

and by "Powerpoint" I mean, wasting time with MS Paint. Here is an accurate rendering of what I'll look like on my twenty-first birthday:

Bahahahahahah

2009-07-20T22:20:00.004-04:00

...you know, in case you're having a bad day or something.

I bet you $5 it was the girl who stole my purse

2009-07-08T11:44:00.002-04:00

Dear whoever broke into my car and stole a handful of change:

Hope you enjoyed looking at all the sweet costumes in my trunk! If I were you, I totally would've taken the sparkly lime green leotard, but as they say, "To each his own."
Also, thanks for rooting through my trash and leaving it on the seats. It finally motivated me to clean out my car!

Love, Allie

(And by "Love" I mean "Fuck you". And by "Fuck you" I mean, "A handful of change? Really?")

General note to the felons of Newark:
I'm really not worth robbing.

Worst and Best Things of the Day

2009-07-06T14:26:00.002-04:00

Worst:

Best:

Really?

2009-07-03T17:05:00.003-04:00

Nothing makes my day quite like happening upon Facebook pictures of my ex-bee-eff looking like a major tool.

I totally AM immature.

xoxo,
Allie Girl

post-script: If you're reading this, take me off your RSSfeed, bitch!

Things 'n' Things

2009-07-02T21:01:00.002-04:00

My name is Allie. I am in 16th grade. My favorite animal is the octopus and I like to make lists:

-Famous people keep dying. I love/hate the fact that freak celebrity deaths are the only thing that keep my sense of mortality in check.

-Studying for the LSATs is arduous (especially when you are majorly second-guessing your future in the legal profession. It's just so practical! Which is not my style. I'm saying this is parenthesis because then it's not real.)

-The octopus is still my favorite animal.

-I met the love of my life: his name is Alejandro and he works on a cruise ship. He doesn't know that he's the love of my life though, because I don't know how to say anything very sexy in Spanish.

-Bermuda is Bermudiful.

-I ran out of things already.

-Wait, not yet. My dream job is to be the script-writer for Secret Life of the American Teenager.

S'all.

Love 'n' things,

Allie

You know how you know I'm white?

2009-06-22T14:29:00.002-04:00

I'm about to blog about Farmer's Markets.

I just went to the Newark Farmer's Market for the first time, and I'm too excited about it. I got ALL THESE THINGS for $24.34:

-chick peas
-tortillas
-paprika
-blueberries
-blackberries
-shredded cheese
-bunch o' carrots
-cilantro
-an eggplant
-bunch o' bananas
-pair o' jalapenos
-tomatoes
-bag o' potatoes
-giant onion
-pair o' green peppers
-bag o' limes
-sack o' pinto beans
-bag o' rice

UNREAL. I'm too overwhelmed to even cook anything right now.

SCOTUS Drama Alert!

2009-05-04T21:54:00.007-04:00

So, seeing as I lose the ability to do meaningful work while it's raining, I decided to catch up on my Supreme Court gossip. AND, seeing as Justice Souter has recently announced his retirement, effective at the end of the term, Supreme Court gossip is all OVER the place! It's a rare and exciting day for me.

What makes it all the more exciting is that most all of the names for possible nominations being thrown around are sounding a lot less like "David" and a lot more like "Diane." (Get it? Obama totally wants to nominate a girl! And preferably a non-white one. And probably one from Chicago. Sweet.)

Here are some of the front runners:

1. Diane Pamela Wood

Meets the criteria of: not a man, Chicago-ties (Professor a UChicago)

Fun fact: She plays the oboe and the English horn. I'm not sure what the English horn is or how it differs from the French horn, but it sounds badass.

2. Elena Kagan

Meets the critera of: not a man, Chicago-ties (former UChicago law professor)

Fun fact: Kagan had never argued a case at trial before Obama nominated her for the position of Solicitor General. Such a wild card.

3. Kim Wardlaw

Meets the criteria: not a man, not white (Surprise! Her mother is Mexican-American.)

Fun fact: Basically, she's a secret latina.

There's also Leah Ward Sears. She's not quite front-runner status, but I had to include her for obvious reasons:

My suggestions for President Obama include:

- the late Albus Dumbledore

- Cass Sunstein + Samantha Power

- Ruth Bader Ginsburg 2.0 (a clone of RBG, naturally)

- RuPaul or maybe Tyra Banks

- Michelle Obama (That wouldn't be nepotism, right?)

- Someone who is real enough to get all up in Scalia's face (again, RuPaul?)

- Me? I'm pretty done with this school thing.

Well, this has been an extensive and enjoyable waste of time!

xoxo,

SCOTUS gossip girl

Fuck Twitter

2009-03-23T09:32:00.002-04:00

Really though! Twitter is only okay if you're famous...or want to have a blog but have nothing to say (which basically includes me, but I'm going to ignore that fact.)

MORE IMPORTANTLY, Anderson "Silver Fox" Cooper is coming to UD on April 15th. Maybe I'll present him with some of my Barack Obama/Rahm Emanuel fanfiction. In fact, I think an episode in which Anderson Cooper visits the White House for a homoerotic 3-way interview should be in the works.

Think about it:

Things to do While Drunk (a list by Allie and Alexis from circa 2007):

2009-03-19T09:19:00.002-04:00

1. Moonbounce?
2. Write Songs
3. tell Dave he posts too many bulletins
4. Make friends
5. Choreograph a tap daance to "Dog Problems"
5a. acquire sequins, top hats, canes
6. Roller/Ice Skating
7. DANCE!
8. Drunk Photo Shoots
9. Not kiss ugly boys!!!
10. Language-creating
11. Play cups filled with water song

My personal favorites are 4 and 11; especially since I have no idea what "cups filled with water song" means. Also, I'm pretty sure 9 was directed towards me.

Oh, hey blog.

Real World: Peguche

2009-01-14T16:17:00.002-05:00

Hi friends (amigos, mejor dicho):

Because now I have lots of Spanish speaking fans.

So I´m in an indigenous village in Ecuador! Aaaand there are lots of chickens and cows in the street. I eat lots of white rice and papas fritas every day (because I think Ecuadorians are confused by the idea of vegtarians). I´ve had 2 warm showers since I´ve been here. However, it´s incredibly beautiful and mountainous. And I get to drink puro (more juice and cane liquor) and visit holy waterfalls.

Next week, I´ll be in Quito and have wireless and therefore more time to relay my South American adventures.

Ciao bitches
AMOR,
ALLIE

Hey Upper East Siders

2009-01-04T13:17:00.002-05:00

Spotted: A packing her bags in preparation for her departure to Quito tomorrow morning. Is she looking to get into the Columbian drug business? Or fleeing rumors that she slept with Chuck Bass? Either way, looks like this bird's flying south for the winter.

xoxo,
Gossip Girl

I'm Spending Way Too Long Deciding on a Title

2008-12-26T18:38:00.002-05:00

I'm not going to whine about being a bad blogger because I don't do many interesting things anyway. Usually my good stories involve either falling down, being drunk or both, so I figure that I'm doing a service to the blogosphere by withholding them.

But, speaking of interesting things(!), I'm leaving for Ecuador in 10 days. Whenever I leave the country, I tend to accumulate good stories, and being that South America is the homeland of magical realism, I'm hoping it won't let me down. Maybe I'll post some words and/or a picture while I'm down there. I hope I get a tan and see a giant turtle.

I just realized that there's a photo of Antonin Scalia (and our history sem class) on my desk in my room at home. I really am a creep when it comes to Supreme Court Justices.

Time to buy yarn! Grammy taught me how to crochet. How grandmotherly, right?

LUFF,
ALLIE

VOTE!

2008-11-04T11:48:00.003-05:00

Today I voted for Barack Obama! I hope you get out and do the same.

This is my 90-year-old great aunt Melba; she knows what's up.

Attn: UD FOLK! (Part 2)

2008-10-11T16:55:00.003-04:00

So, you know the gig tonight that you were clearly dying to attend? I regret to say that it's been cancelled. It turns out that the Cleftomaniacs are a bunch of flakes. Yeah, I said it.

There might be an America's Next Top Model marathon on tonight, if that's any consolation.

I think I'm going to ride my bike then eat food, all while I contemplate what to do with the rest of my life/where to go to law school/which city to live in. Suggestions?

Attn: UD FOLK!

2008-10-06T14:41:00.005-04:00

Want to hang out with a bunch of really sexy people this Saturday night?! Want these aforementioned sexy people to serenade you in the lobby of Memorial Hall?!

You are in luck, friend.

Because the Deltones are performing for FREE with the William & Mary Cleftomaniacs (who are also pretty sexy) this Saturday night at 8pm in Memorial Hall!

Note how physically attractive and saucy we are. Really!

Oh No She Didn't!

2008-10-03T11:08:00.001-04:00

Oh man... yes, she did.

My Life = Complete

2008-10-02T11:00:00.003-04:00

Last night I rode one of these*:

*The bike, not the guy.

I Really Love Jamie Lidell

2008-09-28T18:11:00.002-04:00

It's a-raining, which means I get to use my sweet umbrella that I bought at the Seattle airport. It also means that I have the opportunity to update the general public on my current (tentative) list of potential Halloween costumes:

-Sexy Lumberjack
-Sexy Octopus
-Sexy Sarah Palin
-(Extremely Un-sexy) Amy Winehouse
-Tobias Funke*
-Hugh Hefner*

*denotes costumes in which I'd need a/three female(s) in blonde wig(s) to accompany me.

I think that's about it for now.

Also, I really really love Jamie Lidell.

My Friends Just Got Engaged!

2008-09-17T17:54:00.002-04:00

and by "friends" I mean, people I recognize from watching too much reality TV.

So, it turns out that Jennifer Hudson is engaged to "Punk" from I Love New York 2. He was the one with the scary curl (like jerry curl, but terrifying). Also, it happens that Punk really IS a graduate of Harvard Law. Really! I'm pretty mindblown.

At least J. Huds is a step up. Go get 'em, Punk.

Blogs Away!

2008-09-16T23:04:00.002-04:00

I would say that I feel dead right now, but I don't think that dead people feel hunger. I don't think they feel the urge to play tetris either.

But, srsly. School, man. I think I'm going to describe the beginning of my fall semester using incoherent sentence fragments because: A) I don't feel like exerting effort and B) It's probably more interesting that way: Hot English professor. Endless attempts to make him laugh in class. Also eye sex. Fruitless. Will ask him out in spring. Obnoxious French detectives. Spanish = fiesta fantastica para todos. Gigantic-ass drama class. Beautiful lighting director: southern accent or speech impediment? Writing center madness. Kidnapped/sucked in by 18 crazy individuals. Shameless plug. Boys. Beers. COLLEGEEEEWOOOahsotiredsomuchworkandfunandsweetharmonizinandalsotomfoolery.

This is completely digressing. Also, I just really want a McFlurry right now... and that's saying something.

Hirarious

2008-08-31T09:58:00.002-04:00

I just made up a joke! Ready?

Q:What instrument did Sigmund Freud play in the marching band?
A: The phallic cymbals!!!!

I may just be the funniest person in the world. Or the most insane.

Happy back2skool time, friends.
-Alz

Post Number 69!!! + 1

2008-08-30T13:10:00.003-04:00

I'm such a letdown (for 2 reasons). Firstly, the last post was number 69 and I didn't celebrate appropriately... or INappropriately! hurrhurrhurr. Alright, I think that took care of it, that and, Sixtyyyyy-Niiiiiine!
It will never get old.

Secondly, August is over tomorrow and I've only blogged ONCE! Here's what I've been busy doing:
-Making up drinking games to 90's teen boardgames
-Creating my annual list of potential Halloween costumes
-Planning elaborate theme parties with Alexis that may or may not ever happen
-Working
-Buying stuff
-Realizing that the V.I.P Party Boys are daytime TV whores.
-Learning things from Tyra
-Jetsetting
-Playing "Nope/Week/Month/Year" with Alexis
-Being wild and sexy(? Nevermind, I just wanted to see how that one sounded)
-Swearing off boys forever
-Having crushes on boys
-Having nightmares about the LSAT being ruined by abusive, leg-less people

Yeah, I don't even know where to go after that.
It's time for fall, right?
LURVE,
ALLIE

Bear Eating Salmon or Bear-Eating Salmon?

2008-08-18T17:20:00.002-04:00

Vacation Notes:
Alaska was pretty cold, but also insanely beautiful.
British Columbia has been hoarding hot guys and preventing them from finding me here in the US.
Seattle is the coolest city ever and I intend to move there post-graduation.
Families are crazy.
The Princess Cruise Singers and Dancers are a bunch of hot tranny messes.
Rich old people love to buy diamonds in Alaska.

Also, I think all the rich, old people on the cruise rubbed off on me because I just bought Jean Paul Gaultier perfume on eBay. Who am I?!

If I were a drag queen, my name would be Karaoke LovesIt. Amy would be Tranny SparklePanties.

END

Pre-gaming for Fall Semester: Helpful Link!

2008-07-28T18:52:00.001-04:00

This speed-reading site is crazy, yet effective!

www.spreeder.com

Here's why it works (according to the blog Legal Geekery): "Speed reading is simply disciplining yourself to NOT try to subvocalize each word. You brain is actually very capable of this once you get used to it. The problem is that on a written page, you have a second problem that you have to train your eyes to actually “scan” a word and then MOVE to the next one and (depending on the layout of the page, font size, etc.) that is also a challenge. (That’s why people who speed read with physical paper books will often move their finger quickly back and forth across the page, or use an index card and drag it down the page to reveal lines at the rate the want to read, but help keep their eyes from wandering."

Spreeder and I are gonna be tight in a few months. I can feel it.

OMG! 2 THE MALL, PLZ!

2008-07-24T14:11:00.002-04:00

Upon realizing that I'm going to be 20 in two days, and therefore no longer a teenager, I decided that I need to embrace this time by doing very teenager-ly things:
Crying over a boy? Check.
Writing in an online journal? Check.
Sleeping late? Check
Fantasizing about celebrity crushes? Check... Mmm, Ira Glass.
Going to the mall? pending Check.
Spending too much time on Facebook? Check
Listening to Miley Cyrus? Check.
Planning a birthday party? Check.

Unfortunately, I've also been doing very non-teenager-ly things like wearing old man boat shoes, doing sudokus/crossword puzzles, planning my post-collegiate future and paying bills. Come to think of it, I doubt it's very teenager-ly to fantasize about Ira Glass as well.

Maybe I need to go read Teen Vogue or something... before I have to switch over to TIME for the rest of my life.

4ever Urs,
aLLiE*

Crocodile Rock (of Love?!)

2008-07-13T18:21:00.002-04:00

The time has come to act on my Rock of Love obsession/fantasy: Bret Michaels (with Poison...whatevs) is coming to Allentown in the beginning of August. Alexis and I are going to break out the excessive eyeshadow and slutty elimination-night dresses in order to seduce him. http://www.ticketmaster.com/event/020040E786B83CA0

Also, last night's apartment-warming party was blazin'. (Get it? "warming"?..."blazing"?) But the aftermath has left me in a state of near death. At 5, I suddenly came alive upon hearing the words "dress up". So in the course of about 32 seconds, I went from sloppy and hungover to little black dress'd and smelling pretty.

Lastly, my birthday is in less than 2 weeks! Celebrate! (If you'll be in York the weekend of the 26th, let me know. I will fill you in on my VIP birthday plans, as you are a VIP blog-reader.)

xoxo,
Allie Girl

COOKIEEEEEEEEEEEES!

2008-06-27T00:38:00.003-04:00

I'm on such a link kick lately. But really, this shit is ridiculous.

A really small asian lady in a weird chair asks Big Brother for cookies. Who knew that the show Big Brother was still on the air? Let alone in it's 9th season? Let alone producing this GEM?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrPeQ14n5tE

I can't WAIT

2008-06-25T18:56:00.001-04:00

I just looked at the cast list for VH1's I Love Money, and I'm amped.

http://blog.vh1.com/2008-05-09/i-love-money-the-full-cast-revealed/

Important Life Goals

2008-06-19T17:50:00.002-04:00

Kanye says that when you have plans for the future, you should make it public so that the world can hold you accountable. Kanye is always right. So, here are some of the life goals I've thought up recently:

I will become part of an ABBA tribute band/impersonator group and travel the country as Anni-Frid, or maybe Agnetha.

I will be rich and successful enough that I can work from a beautifully decorated home office and hire my husband to be my secretary.

I will buy a house at some beach and give it a really stupid name.

I will own a pug and name it Winston Churchill. (Also, I will own an octopus named Ruth Bader Ginsburg.)

As a part of my mid-life crisis phase, I will open a classy soul food restaurant with my sister called Chubby Bubby's. It's logo will be an enormous black man eating chicken.

When I'm ridiculously wealthy, I will design a line of high-end bras for sizes DD and up. I think I'll call it something cheeky like "Jugs" or "Stacked." Then Target will beg me to do a special line for them and I will accept because their "plus-size bra" section is appalling.

Now, hold me accountable, readers!
LOVE,
Allie

It's the Freakin' Weeken'

2008-06-14T11:08:00.005-04:00

Wow, I haven't posted anything in an obscene amount of time. I've been such a poor blog-keeper. But luckily, something extremely important, like R. KELLY'S ACQUITTAL, came along to bring me back into the blogosphere.

I've decided this post should be an homage to the man, the legend, the falsely-accused child pornographer: Robert Kelly.

As some other black guy once said in a far more trivial context: "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!" After inspiring and uplifting a nation ("I Believe I Can Fly"), introducing the world to a beautiful new art form ("Trapped in the Closet") and assuring white people that it's okay to use sexual cliches in R&B music ("Sex Planet", "The Zoo", "Double Up", et al), Robert Kelly has been faced with a 6-year legal battle against haters of his audacious sexual revolution (and underaged girls that he peed on.) Regardless, the free world now embraces Kelly with open arms.

In the event that you're reading this, Kels:

1. When's the next installment of Trapped in the Closet coming out? Does everyone REALLY have AIDS?

2. Can you possible delay any further legal drama until I'm out of law school? If you let me represent you, I'd totally let you pee on me. No questions asked. Just look what a stunning legal team we'd make!

Love and Utmost Respect,

Allie (Allie, Allie, Allie)

The 14th Amendment Just Got Cooler

2008-05-08T10:18:00.003-04:00

Just as with studying for Archeology and substituting the idea of (chronometric) "dating" for (relationship) "dating" to make notes more interesting, I've found a similarly awesome nuance in my Criminal Justice notes. So for everytime I abbreviated the term "Due Process" as D.P., in my mind it's translated as... (I'm now thinking "Double Penetration", for all you classy-minded people.) Of course this makes the interpretation of cases under the 6th and 14th Amendments much more entertaining:

The members of the Warren Court led a criminal law revolution with their advocacy of the D.P. approach to law.

Under the 5th Amendment, no person can be denied D.P.

The 14th Amendment assures at no state shall deprive a person of life, liberty or the pursuit of happiness without D.P.

That is to say, you can kill someone, as long as you double-team them first. Cool, right? It's even better when you think of members of the U.S. Supreme Court double-teaming random U.S. citizens. Of all of them, I'd take Thomas and Breyer. Alright, I should stop this because I don't think it could possibly get anymore disturbing.

Oh wait, yes it can. Imagine this, but naked:

NOW I'm going to study for real.

Seis de Mayo

2008-05-06T13:28:00.003-04:00

I'm still alive! My soul is just currently being crushed by schoolwork, workwork, class scheduling and apartment-painting. Also, by the death of my family's pet chinchilla, Clark. (Do chinchillas go to the Rainbow Bridge too? I hope so.)

That's all.

Oh, and I'm seeing My Chemical Romance tonight. (Yeah, I own "The Black Parade". You tryna judge me?) I intend to disguise myself as a pre-teen groupie and hook up with Gerard Way. I hope he's still skinny and bleachy-blonde.

END.
LUV.
ALZEEZ!

You Think You Know, But You Have No Idea

2008-04-23T14:49:00.004-04:00

I figured I'd write a legit blog about (how cool) my life (is) right now, because the past entries this month haven't done much of the sort. Although, the D.J.-Steve breakup scene speaks volumes about my emotional complexity as a human being. (Note to self: If I even decide to go into the music business, I will go by the name "DJ Steve" or maybe "DJ Aladdin" if I want to go for a more obscure reference.)

Updates for my Fan/Admirers/People who know these things already because they live with me or are related to me:

Alexis and I are moving into a REAL LIVE apartment on April 30th. It's going to be one of the coolest rented living spaces anyone has ever laid eyes on. Inquire for the address so you know where to send out house-warming gift. We are registered at Anthropologie and Urban Outfitters.

MY SISTER JUST CALLED TO TELL ME SHE GOT INTO GOVERNER'S SCHOOL FOR CREATIVE WRITING! This is in all caps because PA Governer's School is a huge fucking deal.

I'm seeing I'm From Barcelona tomorrow! Therefore, I'm currently preparing to say "I love you!" 29 times in Swedish while dancing to their indie-pop greatness.

I've been dating this guy for 2 months. He's basically as cool as he looks.

Bret Michaels admitted to having hair extensions. (Due to my blog, mostly likely) Also, there is a chance for a Rock of Love 3! I'm preparing my collection of slutty Elimination-Night dresses.

It's SPRING! The best season ever.

Lurve, Allie

A National Day of Celebration and Appreciation

2008-04-14T20:12:00.005-04:00

Today is special, indeed- a day that should be spent in celebration.

Obviously, I'm talking about paying homage to the love between Bret Michaels and Ambre. Also, this day is dedicated to appreciating what an outrageously hot mess Daisy became in the finale. Also, today we appreciate the producers/editors/script-writers of Rock of Love 2 who made this fabricated love drama possible. And Bret's fake hair. Thanks to whoever made THAT possible. It's been a great run, guys.

What? You thought I was talking about your seventeenth birthday, Amy? For shame. Reality TV comes before family. Always.

SIKE!

It's this fierce bitch's birthday! Celebrate it.

Hey Guys, Remember Chem?

2008-04-09T20:23:00.001-04:00

This is for you Mr. Laird. If you're reading this: I totally have a crush on you and think you're a silver fox. Also, will you join my MST3K tribute band??

Best Breakup Scene Ever

2008-04-08T12:16:00.001-04:00

It starts about 1 minutes and 30 seconds into the video.

(from the Full House episode "Love on the Rocks")

A Quick Retraction

2008-03-29T14:59:00.003-04:00

Dear Readers:

I officially take back any incendiary statements that I've made about Arcade Fire's album Neon Bible. While I maintain that it's not as good as Funeral, it's really not that bad. In fact, "Keep the Car Running" is pretty solid.

Also, Lil' Mama and/or Soulja Boy Tellem: I would appreciate a written apology in light of your cancellation of your forthcoming show in Philadelphia; an explanation would also be prudent.

Regards,
A.E. Myers

I make lists when I'm excited...

2008-03-15T11:17:00.004-04:00

Here are concerts that I'm seeing sometime between now and summer that I'm zzzo exzzzited about.
Who wants to come with me?:

The Mountain Goats

Why?

Les Savy Fav

Soulja Boy and Lil Mama

I'm from Barcelona

Glow in the (fucking) Dark Tour: Kanye, Lupe Fiasco, NERD and Rihanna

Iron Maiden

Also, how dare I forget:

The Swell Season (in the spring with my girlfriend)!

Now back to my Spanish paper, "'Pecado de omisión': el triunfo del Marxismo." I find that saying things like "the Triumph of Marxism" is okay as long as you say it in another language.

Neurosis Schmeurosis

2008-03-12T20:34:00.002-04:00

Today, I realized that it's a safe bet to compare anything that you read in a Contemporary Jewish-American Literature class to a Woody Allen movie. Example: After not reading Saul Bellow's The Victim for class today and nearly floundering in class discussion, I underhandedly added "... it's almost like a Woody Allen movie." To which the professor laughed, and suddenly agreed with my earlier nonsensical statement. Thanks, Woody Allen.

Also, I think I'm addicted to coffee.

Today in a fit of exasperated passion, I withdrew from my Women of Color class and feel suddenly free of the tight psychological grip it had over me (and the tight physical grip that it had over my Thursday evenings.) Is it ironic that finding out Lil Mama is playing in Philly on a Thursday night was the catalyst for my decision? Probably.

But seriously. Lil Mama AND Soulja Boy.

So now that I don't have to do my ridiculous, guilt-inducing reflection journal for that class, I decided to play tetris instead. The fact that I got a new personal high score has to be indicitive of the fact that I made the right decision:

Level: 11
Lines: 101
Score: 38,036

The challenge remains: BEAT IT.*
*However if you send your record attempt to me by videotape, I will review it with much scrutiny and probably find a reason to disqualify you. King of Kong, anyone?

Algunas Cositas

2008-03-09T21:18:00.002-04:00

Buying Cosmo in Spanish was among the best ideas I've ever had. I maintain that it's not a guilty pleasure if it's also educational.

I made flashcards for the first time in my academic history. I dare you to challenge me on my knowledge of Warren Court - Berger Court era criminal law reform.

Today I bought The Number of the Beast by Iron Maiden and listened to it twice. That is to say, if you missed the memo, I'm really metal.

I drank black coffee for the first time today and didn't die! New Years resolution 1/2352 completed.

My dad told me that he's changing his party affiliation for the PA primaries just so that he can vote for Obama. He calls it "Democrat for a day." I call it "New Years resolution 2/2352 completed."

Octopus-Themed Party

2008-03-08T22:00:00.002-05:00

Dear Diary,

Today was beautiful, aside from having a dream that I killed our fish, the Ying Yang Twins, after pouring beer into his tank. (Aside from this too. I don't even know what goes on inside that man's head sometimes.) Oh, and aside from Hooters being closed.

But other than that, it was pretty perfect (a la the song by Hoku. Not "Another Dumb Blonde", the other one.)

Now I'm going to eat chocolate covered pretzels and make a list of theme parties that I want to have someday. (Last night's octopus-themed party was a giant success.):

Ides of March! Toga Party

Mustache Bash

'Beer, Board Games and Bruce' Party

'Fondue, Fancy Wine and Feist' Party

Snow Pants or No Pants

Wedding Reception-Themed Party

Also, in spring we intend to hold our first annual "Bro Day", but this is more of an intense 24-event than a theme party. Collecting puka shell necklaces, polo shirts and seasons of Family Guy on DVD will take some time and effort, naturally.

I'm tired and wearing flannel. My life is so cool.
Myers out!

To: Texas (republcanluvrs@usa.gov)

2008-03-05T09:22:00.003-05:00

CC: Ohio (isforluvrs@usa.gov)

RE: Yesterday's Primaries

You all owe me an Obama-pology. Based on the results of the Democratic primaries that took place yesterday in your respective states, you've totally messed up the Obama-mentum and quite frankly, made me Obama-pset. Yes, "Obama-pset" IS a stretch. I blame it entirely on you, Texas. You too, Ohio.

Regards,
Allie Obama-yers

P.S. I was tempted to use the term "Obama-holics Obama-nonymous" but then I thought that would make me sound like a maniac. Oh wait...

P.P.S. Peace out, Mike (What the) Fuck-abee. Finally!

Our Newest Embarrassing YouTube Exploit

2008-03-01T20:14:00.001-05:00

I solemnly dedicate this to GOB Bluth and to illusionists everywhere.

Google NewsFeed Awards

2008-02-27T21:17:00.002-05:00

I don't feel like being productive at ALL (and by productive I mean reading an anthology about colored women in the US and free-writing about my feelings.) So thank Jesus for blogs and my Google NewsFeed.

Here are today's highlights:

Most Badass News Story Title: Snake eats family dog as kids watch (CNN)

Best News Story about a Crush: Obama tops new national polls (CNN)

Most LOL-Worthy: #76: Bottles of Water (Stuff White People Like)

Best Picture of Pugs on a Beach: Caption This #45 (Owned by Pugs... Yeah I subscribe to Pug enthusiast blogs... Wanna fight about it?)

Post-Psychobilly Grindcore Electro-Jazz Fusion

2008-02-19T18:39:00.002-05:00

I hate to be one of those people who quotes their professors all the time, but seriously, Kai Draper is a brilliant man.

"I actually founded Mothers Against Drunk Driving... little known fact about my personal history... (10 second pause) It used to be called Motherfuckers Against Drunk Driving, but so many women joined that we had to shorten it."

In other news, Spring semester is crushing me already. It started a week ago. I'm taking lots of sweet classes like Logic with Kai Draper (which has a rather high "hot male to average-looking male" ratio) and Contemporary Jewish-American Lit (which I signed up for solely because I suspected we would read something by Jonathan Safran Foer. And we are. Holler!)

I've also been working on the UD Brit Lit Wiki ( http://britlitwiki.wikispaces.com/ ) as part of an independent study. My advisor told me to link it in my blog because he's competing with some other university to see which Wiki will get more hits. Go Blue Hens.

Anyway, today in Criminal Justice, I made a list of who I would appoint to the Supreme Court, were it ever entirely my decision. So it follows:

The Dumbledore Court (2008 - forever)
Chief Justice: Albus Dumbledore

I would keep:

Ruth Bader Ginsburg (because she's awesome)

Clarence Thomas (because he's black)

Stephen Breyer

Antonin Scalia (for the sake of creating opposition. Also, I'm biased because I was once in the same room as him)

New members:

Atticus Finch

Stephen Colbert

Barry Zuckercorn (aka Henry Winkler's cameo in Arrested Development)

Martha Stewart (Regardless of her time in jail, I think she's a badass and would serve us well.)

I think they could effectively lead a Judicial Revolution.

Hahaha "Motherfuckers Against Drunk Drinking". You're killin' me, Kai.

Disjunctive Syllogism

2008-02-12T17:17:00.000-05:00

"Logic isn't subjective. If some culture decides that 'something is either A or B and is not B, therefore it must be A' isn't true... well, they're just fucked up." - my Logic professor

Oh, Logic.

And yes, it IS weird that I just started my Spring semester classes today.

Also: Happy birthday, Mom aka Julio!

Also: I hope my mom doesn't actually read this, seeing as I used the word "fucked" earlier in this entry.

Dear Writers: STOP STRIKING PLZ

2008-02-04T17:38:00.000-05:00

It's been confirmed that you have something far more important to be working on.

Arrested Development: the movie!

Thanks Larry for the tip. This blog's for you. ;)

Dennis Quaid? Is it? It is now!

2008-02-01T21:55:00.000-05:00

I'd like to thank Wolf and Barack for mentioning Ted Kennedy as well as the numerous celebrities (and celebrity look-a-likes) present at the debates last night. It made for quite the good time.

So, departing from my apparent election fever... How ARE you? I'm doing pretty well.

Happy February, or something! That means Valentine's Day (aka m'fave holiday) is just 2 weeks away. I intend to buy myself a moderately nice piece of jewelry this year and spend the day with my live-in girlfriend. No really though, I've decided to make it a personal goal to be single every Valentine's Day. I say this because it will most likely happen that way anyway, but also it's generally a better day for single people. Also, this allows me to make my yearly list of valentines! So far I've narrowed it down to:

Jack Black

Benjamin Franklin

Barack Obama

Peter Moren (pretend there's an accent over that last e)

Tom Jones

Maybe someday I'll include people I've actually met before! Probably not though. I'm SO good at lusting from afar.

<3z 'n <3z

Democratic Debate Drinking Game

2008-01-29T17:11:00.000-05:00

Alright my politically-minded/alcohol-minded readers:

January 31st brings us another round of Democratic Debates, and you know what that means!

Actually, you probably don't. It means that the time has come for me to harmoniously join together the arts of political rhetoric and booze, something that most self-respecting bloggers (and Ted Kennedy) have plainly done before.

The Democratic Debate Drinking Game!
(I seriously tried to think of a synonym for "game" that started with D for the sake of alliteration, but "duel" and "diversion" just weren't cutting it. )

Here's what you need:

A steady supply or Beer, or Mixed Drinks... or Juice Boxes, if you are not of age

A TV

A pretty/very strong dislike of the Bush Administration

The Rules:
It's quite simple. Watch the debates at 8:00 PM and take a sip whenever the following events occur:

[Update (1/30): Peace out, Edwards! It's down to two. The rules must therefore be modified. Oh and, SUCK IT to all those people who said that inevitably the party would nominate the white male candidate.]

+1 - A candidate uses the terms "Change" or "Status Quo" (+3 - if he or she use both in the same sentence!)

+1 - ~~Edwards talks about saving the middle class (+2 - if he mentions his father who worked in the mills)~~

+1 - Clinton talks about her Healthcare plan (+2 - if she accuses Obama for not supporting Universal Healthcare)

+1 - Obama criticizes Clinton's campaign techniques (+2 - if he directly mentions Bill)

+1 - A candidate uses a weird pronunciation of a foreign name to sound smarter

+1 - A candidate uses the phrase "When I am President/Commander in Chief..."

+1 - A candidate bashes the Bush Administration (+2 - if he or she bash BOTH Bush Administrations at once!)

+1 - A candidate bashes any of the Republican candidates (Chug your beer if he or she mentions Ron Paul)

+1 - ~~For each moment you suspect Obama and Edwards to be a gay couple~~

+1 - The camera pans the audience to show a celebrity in attendance (If you're looking to get drunk, you can count the candidates' family members, ex-presidents and people who happen to resemble celebrities)

+1 - You actually laugh at a candidate's joke

+1 and an "Oh snap!" - When your favorite candidate takes a cheap shot at someone else

+1 and a "Bitch, please!" - When anyone takes a cheap shot at your favorite candidate

+1 - A candidate keeps talking even after the moderator gives him or her "just 30 more seconds" (In the Kill-Your-Liver! version: After the extra 30 second mark, keep drinking until he or she stops talking.)

+ 1 - Any time both candidates are talking at once (Optional: Keep drinking until one of them finally gains control of the floor.)

+1 - Obama smiles and you go weak at the knees. I mean... err... did I say that outloud?

New Rules!:

+1 - A candidate mentions Edwards (+2 - If he or she mentions a commitment to ending poverty in an attempt to impressive his followers)

+1 - A moderator or candidate mentions a Kennedy (Chug your beer ironically if it's Ted. Sorry... I'm finding it's hard to make up a political drinking game without excessive Ted Kennedy references)

+1 - Every time a candidate takes a drink from his or her mug/glass/what have you

And that's it!

Now a disclaimer: Much like Bush's presidency, this drinking game could potentially be completely ineffective or it could be catastrophic/deadly. So, use necessary caution when you drink and debate. (You too, Ted Kennedy.)

He is Survived by his Girlfriend, Kat Stratford

2008-01-22T17:12:00.000-05:00

RIP Heath Ledger?

Man, mortality is so weird. It gives me the creeps sometimes.

Kept Us Awake with Wolves Teeth

2008-01-14T02:47:00.000-05:00

kept us away with wolf teeths? wolf's teeth?

tonight was my last in montreal, and it was beautiful. i got picked up (literally and i screamed like a pterodactyl.) twas quite scary really. reallyreallyreally.

we don't want to go home.

"lets just stay here"?

perchance we will. shall?

sharing different heartbeats on one night.

i've got two turntables and a microphone.

i love my friends. my ears are ringing.

PCAAAWWWW!

the knife version, not jose's.

you know?

maybe?

there are now a few people in this world who believe that my name is anna and i'm from sweden. am i a liar? will i got to hell? probably. see you there?

mes amies are teasing me for drunkblogging.

i am wearing my gold headband. this means i certainly had a good night. and i did.

eeeeek 8 hour drive tomorrow. then back to the legit delaware life. going to class. learning about the sociology of law. working, working it out. man, my ears are STILL ringing.

what happened with my recent fixation on using correct capitalization?! you know what they say, kids. never drink and blog.

i love love love you. don't mean maybe.

Because I've Got a Crush on...

2008-01-04T11:40:00.001-05:00

Hey, it's 2008! and other Miscellany

2008-01-02T21:40:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year, readers. May all your 2008 dreams come true... unless they interfere with MY 2008 dreams, which include: becoming slightly internet famous, going to Montreal in the near future, finding more occasions to wear red lipstick and growing a moustache. (I don't know whether I want to go for Tom Selleck or John Waters yet. I won't rule out Salvador Dali either.)

Anyway, as far as miscellany goes, the "skinny lattes" at Starbucks are not bad for 90 calories. Just sayin'. Unless you're a hot guy who thinks that Starbucks is an evil corporation that threatens the success of independently owned coffee shops. In which case, I totally agree.

If I had to take up a cause, I decided that it would be protesting child beauty pageants. Little girls with spray tans, porn makeup and fake teeth make me sick. I would not hesitate to punch all of their mothers. I don't know what made me think of that. Maybe it's that I feel the need to change the world lately so that I can get into law school, but most likely it's because I've been watching too much TV and saw a special on E! or something.

Speaking of my unhealthy reality TV fixation, it's almost time for a new Project Runway.

Before I leave though, the Wikipedia article on moustaches is one of the funniest things I've read lately.

Also: Iowa Caucus tomorrow! Who's pumped?! This girl! And this guy.

Dear Diary,

2007-12-25T19:25:00.000-05:00

I went to San Diego for Christmas. I fed 2 giraffes, a rhinocerous and a camel. I have lots of cousins. Most of us have blue eyes. Most of us are also crazy.

Blog'd from: (Viva) Las Vegas, el aeropuerto. Next to the Burger King. (My mom is gambling. Amy and I are planning a trip to Spain.)
(

LOVE <3<3<3
ALLIE M

STATE OF NATIONAL EMERGENCY

2007-12-20T21:13:00.000-05:00

Maybe even of international emergency. This could be more serious/dangerous than I thought. It's been brought to my attention that Jade (everyone's favorite "biracial butterfly") of America's Next Top Model fame is actually getting hired. As a model. Not only is she getting paid to model BUT she's the new face of Nelly's Apple Bottoms collection. WTF?!

Evidence:

I found this is Teen Vogue. Apparently Lauren and Whitney let it slide through the cracks while they were steaming/color-coding outfits. I'm extremely disappointed.

Come on, Nelly! This is the same girl who said that elephants are descendents of the dinosaurs because they are "preposterous and big"! I really think the world is on crack. First this, then New York picks Tailor Made (the pussy-ass wimp that he is) and Tila Tequila chooses Bobby over Dani (hottest butch-ish lesbian ever). Honestly!

Also, I invest too much of my life in reality TV.

Also, I'm going to California tomorrow. Our plane leaves at 6 in the morning. Buzzkill! Peace out, friends. I'll miss you when I'm on the Left Coast.

It Happens Every Time: Finals Week Edition

2007-12-12T13:13:00.000-05:00

Hi! My name is Allie. Will you be my friend?

Jammy Dodgers and Gigantic Shorts

2007-12-06T23:35:00.000-05:00

Friends! I feel like such a college student because:

a) Today I've spent more time complaining about my final tomorrow than I have studying for it.

b) Last night we made a beeramid- as in, a beer pyramid.

So, before I go off to spend some romantic one-on-one time with British authors and poets of the Victorian and Modernist Era, I wanted to say hi. I'm positive that you've really missed my in-depth entries about my life and the inner-workings of my brain, but you'll have to wait until college stops kicking my ass. Wait, reverse that. Yeaaah boyyyy.

Also, Alexis and I listened to On The Bright Side, I'm Now The Girlfriend of a Sex God on audiobook in the car tonight. I'd forgotten how brilliant those books are. Let's all start using the word "snogging", ok?

(to be read in a cheeky British accent:) I love you all, honestly.

Tetris For T3h Win

2007-12-01T10:24:00.000-05:00

Level: 11
Lines: 108
Score 33,968

My Highest Score Evar: BEAT IT!

Also, Happy December! (December?!)

Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret Thatcher

2007-11-26T23:56:00.000-05:00

So I came up with the solution to world peace while in the shower today. Apparently it wasn't as complicated as we all expected.

Instead of fighting wars, countries should settle disputes between the leaders themselves. Peace accords and conventions aren't very effective though, so I suggest that we instead make these agreements through highly-televised cage matches. Not to the death though; that's a bit extreme. Someone from Switzerland could be the referee. Also, I realize that some countries would have unfair advantages as far as resources go... (I suspect that Mexico has a really kickass collection of cage-fighting gear.) But I believe this method of problem-solving would be highly effective.

I urge you in the upcoming presidential election to disregard the debates, campaigns, political ideologies and all those other frivolities and instead vote for the candidate who you think would dominate in a cage match.

Make spandex costumes, not war.

Free of Turkey, Full of Thanks

2007-11-22T21:04:00.000-05:00

In honor of Thanksgiving, I will now list things, both inane and important, that I am thankful for:

Rock of Love marathons, the fact that my siblings and I have the ability to make 3 leaf clovers with our tongues while crossing our eyes, coffee + homefries + wheat toast, working at Dealcatcher.com, the color blue (especially: seafoam, cobalt and teal), model trains, CraigsList, Sufjan's Christmas albums, my tape recorder, Lauren and Heidi for allowing me to vicariously experience "real drama", Spencer for being an all-purpose scapegoat, anyone who actually reads this list, Ray Bradbury, coloring books, being at the phase in my life in which I deny that I'll ever get old, ugliest face contests, finding the right shade of red lipstick, pugs, huge knitting needles, homemade mashed potatoes, and more so than anything else right now, being around people who GET me.

i loves it.

HAPPY T-GIVESSSSS FRIENDS

RE: New Linkage

2007-11-18T13:54:00.000-05:00

Hello friends.

If you will notice, I've added a section of fun and fancy links for your interweb-exploring pleasure. Among them are things I've previously linked on le blog and also, my favorite e-comics and other ways I like wasting my time. Of note: Read Elyse Sewell's blog- She was the model who should have won the first season of ANTM but was robbed by effing Adrianne Curry. Fun fact: Elyse is dating a member of The Shins!

To yorkpeople: I'll be home by Tuesday/Wednesday. Hit meh up plz.

Tis all. Happy Sunday.

For a Good Time Call... SugarToes?

2007-11-14T20:01:00.000-05:00

Alright so, normally I'm adamantly opposed to people posting obnoxious IM conversations on their blogs, xangz, what have you. However, I think the only exception to this rule lies in situations where an anonymous bisexual stalker with an insatiable foot-fetish starts a conversation with your roommate. This did, in fact, happen (thanks to a picture on Alexis' myspace in which she is wearing toe socks, we believe.)

Note: Most of Alexis' ridiculous responses are solely to instigate even more ridiculous responses from "SugarToes". She's not a freak to the best of my knowledge. Nor does she have 3 webbed toes. Also, I editted out the boring small talk and cut right into the parts of creepy foot-fetishy goodness.

So world, meet "SugarToes":

sugartoes: do u ever play with the computer wires with ur toes
Alexis O'Roommate: haha, sometimes!
sugartoes: r u usually barefoot at work?
Alexis O'Roommate: barefoot most of the time, socks get on my nerves
sugartoes: can u take them off without ur hands?
Alexis O'Roommate: yeah, but slowly if it's just with my other foot
sugartoes: u ever do it with dress socks?
Alexis O'Roommate: i usually don't wear those. I wear tights if i'm dressing up
sugartoes: stockings are so itchy
Alexis O'Roommate: haha, yeah i usually don't wear those
sugartoes: i get so horny
Alexis O'Roommate: wearing stockings?
sugartoes: yea
sugartoes: wat makes u horny?
Alexis O'Roommate: noses and pregnant women
sugartoes: preggos are sexy
sugartoes15: do u like feet?
Alexis O'Roommate: i like it when people suck on my toes!
sugartoes: feels soo good
sugartoes: wat do ur toes look like?
Alexis O'Roommate: it's going to sound kind of weird, but 3 of my toes on my left foot are webbed. Don't laugh!
sugartoes: cute
Alexis O'Roommate: how'd you get your screenname?
sugartoes: my best friend tortured me by putting sugar on my toes and made her dog lick it off
sugartoes: the dog was a he too
sugartoes: his ding dong was goin wild
sugartoes: i was spreading them
Alexis O'Roommate: your toes or your legs?
sugartoes: both
sugartoes: can i suck ur toes?
Alexis O'Roommate: online?
sugartoes: ill use the wires hehe

By that point even we were weirded out. Oh, SugarToes.

As I Eat my Tomato Lentil Couscous...

2007-11-11T20:00:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd pass on two way cool links to my readers (because we all really need another way to waste our time on the internet). But at the very least you can do so and still feel high-minded and intellectual:

www.goodreads.com - I just joined! So I need everyone to jump on the proverbial bandwagon and friend me so that I look e-popular. It's a pretty legit site though. Not only can you keep track of (aka show off) your intimidating collection of books for the whole interweb to see, but you can also do book swaps and recommendations and all that.

www.freerice.com - Steve showed me this one. It's a way to make yourself feel esoteric and productive all at the same time! Extensive Vocabulary Knowledge + Humanitarian Efforts = M'FAV!

That's all. Back to couscous, back to reality.

Lance Sandwiches and Other Beautiful Things

2007-11-10T15:20:00.000-05:00

I would apologize profusely for not updating sooner about "the Lance Bass Experience", however, I'm pretty sure that I've already told the story personally to all 3 of my readers. But for my own nostalgic purposes (and for my secret cult following in Japan), I'll do it all over again, blog-style!

In short, it was everything my 6th grade self had dreamed it would be. Lance was: charming, beautiful, friendly, funny, candid, open, gay and openly gay. (My 6th grade self didn't anticipate the last part, but I've come to terms with it.) When he walked into the slightly sketchy UD radio station, I think I got a little bit weak at the knees, no lie. But luckily, there were no tears, no pass-outs and I managed to avoid telling him that I'd gotten my first period on his birthday. Again, thank Jesus. I did accidentally use the term "Lance Sandwich" as Alexis and I were positioned on either side of him for a picture. Granted this was a pretty ridiculous thing to say, I don't really care because at the time... I was in the arms of Lance Bass! Oh baby. His green eyes were so piercing...His jacket was so soft... But I digress.

After somehow getting through his radio interview (despite the presence of two smoldering ladies up against the wall, smiling like idiots), Lance went on to talk about his new book to a crowd of about 300 screaming, shameless NSync fans, 30 gay guys and 3 smart straight guys who realized that lots of girls would be there. He told lots of stories and answered questions. To paraphrase the highlights: The Russian Space Program sucks. Lou Pearlman sucks. Britney doesn't suck; she just needs "guidance". He is not currently dating anyone. He prefers boxer briefs, but at the time of his lecture he was wearing briefs. Joey Fat-one is his BFF. He hopes to do another NSync album/tour. Yes, please.

All in all, it was a beautiful evening. Although, unfortunately, my life is downhill from here. I guess I can still look forward to graduating college, getting married and having babies, but come on, these events can hardly compare to meeting a member of NSync. Let's be real.

To balance out my pre-teen hero worship with teen hero worship: I saw Jonah Matranga (of Onelinedrawing, New End Original, Far etc etc) last night and he was absolutely amazing. He's a very cool guy with very cool music who cares a lot about doing music business the right way and not dicking over his fans. For this (and for the fact that he played a cover of Beyonce's "Irreplaceable"), I respect him infinitely and therefore will blatantly plug him below. So listen to his music, buy his stuff, write him a letter, see his shows, and give him a hug afterwards. He gives really good hugs.

Later, punks.

Assorted Thoughts

2007-11-06T22:10:00.000-05:00

I don't appreciate power-tripping TAs.

My sister is a world-famous novelist, in case you didn't know.

My DigiPet is now 56 years old.

The LSAT doesn't seem too intimidating.

Maori people make the craziest faces when they want to fight you.

Mental note: add "Teal Converse All-Stars" to Christmas List.

I somehow ALWAYS mis-type Christmas as "Christman".

"Angle" instead of "Angel" is still my favorite typo.

Oh, and it won't be long before I meet Lance Bass.

(Blog update to follow.)

Channeling 6th Grade

2007-11-04T14:15:00.000-05:00

Word on the street is that I'm going to meet Lance Bass this Wednesday. Here's how! I'll break it down for you:

Step 1: Lance Bass schedules an appearance at UD for November 7th.
Step 2: Upon learning this on move-in day, Alexis and Allie freak out.
Step 3: Tickets go on sale on October 4th.
Step 4: Allie and Alexis buy them immediately and freak out.
Step 5: On October 31st, some UD radio program holds a contest in which the 5th caller wins the ability to sit in on their interview with Lance Bass.
Step 6: Alexis hears about said contest and calls Allie.
Step 7: Alexis is caller #1.
Step 8: Alexis is caller #4.
Step 9: Allie is caller #5!
Step 10: Both Allie and Alexis are invited to the interview. Again, they freak out. This time, they both nearly cry a little bit.
Step 11: (To occur on November 7th at 7:oo p.m.) Allie and Alexis meet Lance Fucking Bass.

So that's basically the story. Currently, I'm reading Lance's memoirs, "Out of Sync", and praying to dear Jesus that I don't hypervenilate or throw up when I meet him. Both of which are highly probable. Let's hope I can play it cool.

Happy November, friends!

Get on my Level

2007-10-26T15:53:00.001-04:00

Jesus, even today's xkcd is depressing. I guess I have no choice but to listen to Feist ( less "Mushaboom", more "The Park) and look out my window at the rain.

Alright, that worked until I got to the track "Sea Lion Woman". It totally ruined the mood. WTF, Feist?

I think I'm going to try NaNoWriMo again this year. I say "try" because I've come to term with being a disappointing human being (thanks to Steve, my metaphysician.)

On a brighter note (lighter note?), I'm so excited for costume fucking parties. Risky fucking Business.

Also, boys: I learned this card trick last week that, when performed for drunk ladies, gives you about a 45% chance of getting laid. If i can remember it, I'll teach it to you for $5.

S'all. Back to Feist (less "I Feel It All", more "So Sorry").

Love,
Debbie Downer

This is Why I'm Hot:

2007-10-16T15:15:00.000-04:00

I'm hot because I'm fly. Here are some other equally legitimate reasons that my life is cool:

I ate Taco Bell for the first time in several months.

I've realized my penchant for buying and assembling Ikea furniture.

I'm seeing Lance Bass (the 6th grade LOVE of my LIFE! LIVE and IN PERSON at Delaware!) in less than a month

I finally organized all my stuff at school. It only took me 2 months.

I decided that I want to go to law school and am currently excited/terrified about the idea.

I'm able to wear sweaters because it's actually fall.

I just ordered a 11 x 14 inch print of Jude Law to display next to my bed.

I have a DigiPet that is 31 years old.

I am a very talented freestyle rapper.

I've finally gotten over feeling extreme guilt when writing in my textbooks.

I actually get Animal Collective.

I handtyped the HTML code to make this bulleted list. Formatting toolbars are for posers.

I am the best blogger ever.

That said, I'm going to continue to think about my million Halloween costume ideas. Hmm, sexy octopus?

Albeit, Alexander Pope IS Sexy

2007-10-11T18:11:00.001-04:00

However, I can't find the gusto to keep working on my current Brit Lit paper. I blame the fact that the professor squashes my soul three times a week. Luckily for you though, this means a new blog entry! Woo.

I think I'll talk about books and other things that will make me seem intellectual and interesting. Not to say that I don't possess these traits, just that I usually can't exhibit them at the same time. (That is to say either I'm in the library or I'm in here, dressed as Bret Michaels. On second thought though, combining those two scenarios would probably be one of my better ideas.)

Hhhanyway, I've been reading voraciously lately. (Actually, I think I've spent more time telling people how I am "voraciously reading" than I do reading. So it goes.) But to my credit, I did finally finish John Irving's latest, Until I Find You. I recommend it to any fans of tattooing, Scandinavia, prostitutes, Canada, Bob Dylan, theater, Los Angeles and/or, of course, John Irving. Also! Yesterday I read Margaret Atwood's The Penelopiad (Get it? Like the Illiad, but with Penelope. Canadians are very clever.) No really though, I enjoyed it, especially post- reading the Odyssey. There was no shortage of libations or the regular Atwood-isms.

I just said "Atwood-isms" and consequently lost 1/3 of my audience. (Come to think of it, I most likely lost at least 1/2 when I started talking books anyway.)

Moving on. I discovered today that an Archeology lecture about chronometric dating techniques becomes instantly more entertaining if you pretend that anytime the professor uses the term "dating" he means in a relationship sense. For example: "In this case, I am attempting to date a junkyard." "This would be a useful skill in dating King Tut." "Often, you will find yourself dating that which you are not primarily interested in." The list goes on. Basically, this is what I wrote down in lieu of notes.

I think I'll stop myself here. I've gone on too long and I think m'boy Pope would chide me for my apparent vanity, also for the fact that I don't feel like writing about him. Which could be construed as vanity on HIS part. Touche', Mr. Pope. (Damn you, blogspot. No accents.)

In closing, remember chat rooms?

On the Path to YouTube Infamy...

2007-09-30T23:33:00.001-04:00

http://youtube.com/watch?v=LsM8YC35cKY

(Update: We're almost up to 1,000 views. In other news, my concern for the well-being of mankind has greatly increased.)

Important Letters for the Good of Mankind

2007-09-26T00:04:00.001-04:00

Dear Tyra Banks:

Thanks to the constant ANTM marathons these days (No really. Thank you, Lawd.), I remembered that I had intended to address with you an issue of utmost importance. In essence, Jaslene, winner of cycle 7, is too fucking skinny and looks like a drag queen. Rather, she looks like a beat drag queen, because I've seen quite a few that are way better-looking than her scary ass. Why the HELL wouldn't you have picked Natasha? Also, are you okay these day? Seriously girl, you actin' a fool lately. In closing, you should probably fire Jaslene or tell her to eat a grilled cheese (or at the very least, start feeding her intravenously).

Thank you for believing in me.

xoxo, Allie

Dear Bret Michaels:

Seeing as the finale of Rock of Love (one of my current trash tv favorites) is drawing near, I thought I'd give you some really necessary input. Jess is way cuter and I generally like her better, but I think you'd be happier with Heather. Thank you for finally eliminating Lacey. She caused an undue amount of stress in my life.

Please remember that every rose has it's thorn.

Your fan(?), Allie

Dear World,

Sufjan playing in a grocery store? Regina on a JC Penney commercial? (also Feist! Junior Senior! Chan Marshall! Feist! the New Pornographers! Feist! Alright, alright, granted her music IS pretty much made for advertising.) Peter Bjorn & John and Beck on crappy CW dramas? Rilo Kiley on Beauty and the Geek? Is nothing sacred?! Please, make it stop. I'll have to start listening to really avante-gard/noise/jazz-fusion grind-core music so I can be cool and underground again. I know I should be celebrating my favorite artists in their defeat over manufactured pop, but I'm still a teenager, so that somehow allows me to be selfish and whiny.

Unfortunately yours, Allie

One of these days, I'll get a life.

What do you think of interlocking mood rings?

2007-09-15T12:53:00.000-04:00

I'm currently listening to Animal Collective's new album, "Strawberry Jam", while I eat biscuits with strawberry jam. Coincidence? Well, yeah actually.

Lately, I've been feeling like such a grown-up; it's more than a little freaky, really. Last night, for example, my gf4lyfe (Alexis) and I went to the mall, and I bought... socks and towels(?!) Shopping for towels is mature as hell. Or maybe it was moreso that we spent a Friday night at the mall. I mean, seeing some badass pre-teen puke on the floor then laugh and walk away with his friends is enough to make anyone feel a sudden bout of maturity. Honestly, though! I've been invited to a company holiday party! I order fondue sets online! I go grocery shopping for bread, milk and aluminum foil! My weekend plans include doing laundry! I think I'll go color a picture or play with my dinosaur toys or something.

Also, post-Mall Trip, in the midst of Friday night silliness with Alexis, freestylin' into my tape recorder and caring for our new Digipets, (Alright, so maybe I don't have to worry about this whole "growing up" thing after all...) I decided on a new life philosophy. Well, actually, this idea originally came to mind when I was carrying lots of heavy groceries back to the apartment and decided that Tyra (who has gone nuts these day. Just sayin') would LOVE to make her aspiring Top Models walk down the runway with bags of groceries and "make it fashion." So basically, from now on, I've decided to treat anything I don't really feel like doing as an America's Next Top Model challenge. The dreaded Saturday morning Walk of Shame? Go get it, girrrl. The campus is your runway.

Well, my Digipet needs me.

OMG, DMB! LOL

2007-09-12T17:47:00.000-04:00

Dear Fellow College Students:

Please stop wearing your pajamas to class.

love,
Allie

You could be my black Kate Moss tonight

2007-09-10T14:33:00.000-04:00

So among the epic life questions that have been keeping me up at night (i.e. the concepts of infinity, reality and mapquest), I find this one is especially pressing. Allow me to present my thesis: Sufjan Stevens, regardless of ridiculous costuming and even more ridiculous configurations of facial hair growth, somehow remains the most smoldering man alive.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C:

Exhibit D:

Granted, the outfits depicted in Exhibits C and D could turn any average joe into an indie sex god. But the TRUE test of my thesis:

(s)Exhibit E:

He can pull off a HANDLEBAR MUSTACHE!? Holy shit, Sufjan, no further proof needed. You are a handlebar mustached diety among men. I dare you to challenge me on this one.

Also, I am physically/mentally unable to stop listening to Kanye/ Daft Punk's "Stronger." It's infectious(!), but in the most badass way possible.

"Girls Don't Skeet!" Part Deux

2007-09-09T00:49:00.000-04:00

as i was about to write a response paper on thomas mun's "discourse on england's treasure by forraign trade" a few nights ago, i swear the first subconcious thing i did was to open the wikipedia page on thomas mun. social commentary on the pervasive nature of interweb brain-washing?! nah. i prefer to just say: "wikipedia, man. it KNOWS." i intend, someday, to read the wikipedia article on wikipedia, but i'm pretty sure i'll have to be stoned out of my brain in order to fully comprehend it. not that i, in any way, endorse the use of recreational marijuana. (note: the past few sentences should have been editted from the final version.)

i swear, again, that i had some other content for this entry somewhere in my head. eh, so much for my aspirations to become a full-time blogstar. i can concentrate instead on being semi-you tube famous. (insert intense mental debate about whether or not to link the video of myself dancing to "come on eileen" in an amish costume. you'll just have to internet detective it) also, i believe that given the opportunity to do a video podcast (please, dealcatcher) my career could really take off. for some reason, i'm reminded of boogie nights., but not the whole 13-inch penis thing. wow, this entry needs to end.

ah, but not before i introduce you to your new best friend! novice web-stalker/internet-detective, meet http://www.yoname.com/. (note: if you search someone's full e-mail address, yoname sends them an e-mail to inform the person that some crazy bitch is stalking them. well, they put it more nicely than that. but still, wachowt!)

alright, i'm out for real.
time for a nightcap and sleeping in the same apartment as 2 theckthy young ladieth.

also, don't hold this post against me.

also, i'm considering the employment of correct capitalization(?) hmm.

"Girls Don't Skeet!"

2007-09-05T21:57:00.000-04:00

friends, romans, countrymen, ladies, gentlemen, father, son, (but not the holy spirit, because i never understood the trinity anyway) hoes, bitches, boos and especially wifeys:

i'm happy!

more on this later, i pinky-swear.

Sweating, Suitcases & a Stegasaurus

2007-08-25T20:37:00.000-04:00

august pretty much marks the nadir of my blog-attentiveness (minus the awkward xanga onto "legit blog site" transition phase.) or should the period be on the outside of the parenthesis? i'm so reckless!

i just thought i'd drop by to say "...'sup" and that i've had a lot of very good, relatively blog-worthy days lately, but i've been no good at correctly recording them. tomorrow i depart for delaware (holler) and get to move all my shit up to my 8th floor apartment. i'm not gonna lie; i'm a bit too giddy to be immediately concerned with the fact that moving in will basically suck balls.

spencer from the hills is the reason for all evil in the world. i'm convinced.

s'all. i'm very uninspired right now. i think it's the effect of too many trips to target in a single week.

(p.s. here's my address:

ALLIE MYERS! (obviously)
806 Christiana East Tower
17 Christiana Drive
Newark, DE 19717

i'm trying to bring back non-electronic mail. what a hipster.)

Allie has caught Cholera and died. You decided to continue.

2007-08-05T23:35:00.000-04:00

i've been so blog-stumped lately! for this i apologize. i blame certain people for draining me of wit and charm. (also, you can title my blog anytime.) hurrhurrhurr, cryptic.

well, i've finally decided to update... maybe it's because i'm drinking vitamin water? (oh sorry, i mean vitaminwater.) maybe it's because i'm listening to "sexbomb" by tom jones? (tomjones?)

i just lost the game. damn. sorry.

so, my birthday! i did, in fact, turn 19. this means in about a year i'll have my "holy shit i'm 20 and have no direction!" existential crisis. how exciting! (i tried for a while to find a way to connect the words existential and exciting, but to no avail.) also of note: we saw some COOL aquatic animals (including a really depressed-looking giant pacific octopus) and smoked some hookah. (AND sweated our balls off. AND took lots of pictures of ourselves blowing smoke bubbles. AND met a really sexy break-dancing, multi-linguist.) end!

so, vacation! amy acquired a sugardaddy by the name of fernando at a baseball game, and i knd of got a tan! (no really! don't ask for proof though because it's faded by now.) oh, and i had to ride a birthday burro. i'm still not sure how i felt about it. oh, wacky myers family hijinx.

so, delaware! fall semester is fast approaching, and i'm getting pretty antsy, to say the least. i just got my curtains in the mail and my kitschy second-hand knick-knacks and i'm ready to go. even the whole learning part isn't fazing me yet. hey DE kids, you're invited to alexis and my first official fondue party the friday afer move-in. (a chocolate fountain? records? alcohol? this will be a classy operation.) come admire our apartment and our baby pool full of expanding water-animal toys.

i should probably actually do my job now. time to put on my powersuit.

what IS cholera anyway?

R.I.P. (Insert Harry Potter Spoiler Here)

2007-07-23T20:33:00.000-04:00

i've finished the final harry potter book, so i'm officially re-entering the world.

all i'm saying is WTF rose and hugo. and WTF mid-evil times for costing $50.

It's Poppin'? It's Poppin'!

2007-07-18T02:00:00.000-04:00

this entry has no planning nor structure, but i'm just going to go with it because i'm basically a blog master.

so in montreal, we "stupefied" men with our beauty, visited some very disorienting/fun discotheques, took in great quantities of second hand marijuana smoke and made ourselves famous in a predominantly gay karaoke bar. how many of you can say that you've actually seen a lesbian sing a rendition of a bryan adams song that brought her partner to tears? that's what i thought.

other than that, most of our time was spent flirting with, then evading creepy guys. (one of which tried to sell us grills! one of which asked me "what style do you like to...have fun?"... at which point i bolted.) also, i met the canadian love of my life, mike seamus o'walmers, who just happens to be homeless and quite possibly addicted to heroin. i have a feeling that we're going to be able to work it out though.

tonight my family played apples to apples (which is all i really need to say if you know my family, because you can probably imagine from there). the highlights include my dad saying that he believes in global warming, but he doesn't believe in al gore, and my mom asserting her sage wisdom that "some magic tricks are scary". i'm going to hell because i paired "Anne Frank" with "Glitzy", and amy is going to hell because she chose it as the winner. also, ninjas are more frightening than flying monkeys.

aside from that, i'm anxious to get back to delaware, move into le nouveaux apartment and start classes (as pathetic as that sounds.) but hey, i'm taking biblical/classical literature and herbology! why not be excited?

speaking of excited... NEWHARRYPOTTERJULY21ST. let's celebrate at borders at midnight. i think i'll wear my special cape this time. yes, i have a special cape. also, i have no dignity.

my birthday is approaching. buy me a fondue set. medieval times anyone?

loveloveloveyou
- allie

Narwhales are Sexy

2007-07-11T19:56:00.000-04:00

i figured it was about time for me to make my yearly appearance* in the local newspaper. if you look at the 2nd picture and enlarge it, you can more fully appreciate the fact that i'm wearing a blonde wig. but, of course, i was being luna lovegood, so it makes sense. unless you don't read harry potter, in which case it still doesn't make sense.

anyway, i'll soon be leaving for a long-awaited, long-weekend rendezvous in montreal (which just happens to coincide with my sudden burst of local fame?), so i just thought i'd leave a sweet parting blog-message before i go.

this past week, i've managed to lose my cell phone and have both my heart and my pair of fake ray bans broken. my dad managed to fix my sunglasses though. yes, lloyd. as for the former? i'm working on it. oh, and! i've gotten a new SIM card, phone, etc, so i'll soon have to be that one lame person who needs everyone's numbers again. but i swear i won't make a facebook group about it. i must admit, i've thought about it though. obnoxious...yet efficient.

that's all friends.

off to canada! (where i will, no doubt, collect some whacky, foreign anecdotes to share)

*you may also remember me, of local newspaper fame, as the 16 year old girl at Beatlemania who "knows who the Beatles are" and also the 17 year old girl in the Dollar Store who really likes Valentines Day.

Large Friendship Fountain

2007-07-04T23:47:00.000-04:00

i wish you a happy fourth of july
with all the gusto and solemnity
of 1,000 drunk, middle-aged Republicans
singing Lee Greenwood's "Proud to be an American."

The One Where I Talk About Real Life!

2007-06-28T15:38:00.000-04:00

i apologize in advance that this isn't as deep/spiritual/fragmented as rosie o'donnell's blog ( http://onceadored.blogspot.com/ ).

but anyway, i've slogged though my brain and will now tell you what's up with my life (and subsequently pretend you are interested.) i've got a lot of new toys to play with, in a very non-sexual manner:

i.e.: (as you can see on the left via the fun photo-inserting options that blogspot offers) the panasonic slimline autostop tape recorder i got on ebay. (it was former property of the oregon department of agriculture... i feel so priviliged!) so i've been recording my dog, my mom singing songs about my dog, drunk-ramblings via phone. it's too much fun really... oh, and think twice before you drunk dial me.

also! much thanks again to the people of panasonic, i solifidied my status as an indie prick, (for $10 at a yard sale) and bought a turntable. unfortunately the tom jones record collection that mendon got me is a bit warped... but it does make for an experimental/progressive remix of "it's not unusual". other than that, i've been spinning some vivaldi (the badass motherfucker that he is) and, as though i can't get any prick-ier, tapes n' tapes.

aside from that, i've been keeping it real, catching the deals (for http://www.dealcatcher.com/ because i haven't plugged it recently) and basically clubbing with paris since she's out of jail now.

deez nuts.

lately, i've been really wanting to get a tattoo. but, watching marathons of miami ink will do that to you, i guess. i'm thinking a tribal armband, a koi fish swimming upstream to represent overcoming hardships, or maybe a lower back butterfly. thoughts?

and then i discovered i have an uncanny knack for drawing cephalopods. who knew?

DAS whassup.

From Yuck to Yum!

2007-06-28T00:16:00.001-04:00

sometimes when i read a headline or article in the york daily record, i half-expect it to say "*just kidding!" at the end. but no, they're never kidding. i apologize if any of you are somehow affiliated with the york daily record. actually no, rather, to anyone who is involved with creating this glorious gem of local journalism: you owe me an apology. especially you... mike argento.

oh and, at some point i think i'll make another legit post. i just need to sift through all the really exciting things in my life to decide which one to blog about. blog, slog.

also, i'm going insane. ={D

KBYE

Un Caballero y Dos Mujeres

2007-06-25T12:21:00.000-04:00

i have gone a week without showering... within the last 3 months.

i have drawn a handlebar mustache on with eyeliner, just to see what it would look like... within the last 3 DAYS.

and i think i'm a cooler person for it.

"yeah, that WOULD be hard on rollerskates!"

2007-06-21T22:46:00.000-04:00

well. since zach meyer validated my existence, this sucker is getting updated.

IT'S SUMMER. today, the myers family took a day trip to the national zoo in D.C. and it was a pretty huge adventure (as though it could be anything short of that). i think somewhere along the way down, i decided to bring my tape recorder on our next vacation so that we can record our first myers family album (including many original tracks like "hershey! the musical" and "the father's day song" but also some old favorites like our collaborative/terrifying cover of "afternoon delight"). i'll let you know when it drops. that shit will be a big deal.

things i learned today:
- a panda's diet consists of 99% bamboo...and they spend 16 hours a day eating it! (err, and by 'it' i also mean bamboo, sickos)
- there are only 2,500 red pandas left in the world
- red pandas don't look anything like real pandas, so they kind of suck
- the octopus is my favorite animal: it it generally mild-mannered and even shy
- octopi never actually grew to enormous sizes and attacked ships in the olden days
- you can hear a howler monkey's yell from 5 miles away!
- anacondas are GIGANTIC (i think i set my sister up for a good "that's what she said" when i saw one)

...and then the barren woman's asshole husband was magically transformed into a baby, and she happily raised it as her own. then, in a completely unrelated storyline, a satanic monkey toy, being pursued by merlin, continues to kill things with it's red, glowing eyes and cymbal until it is restored to it's rightful owner and safely tucked away in his shop of mystical wonders... yeah, that WAS a good episode of MST3k.

well, golly, i really did a number on this entry!

the end!

it's not unusual to find out that tom jones is in love with you

2007-05-17T20:07:00.001-04:00

sorry for the slight blog-hiatus, readers (...reader?)

i've been busy appreciating tom jones in a non-ironic way (although, it does make me uncomfortable when he says "pussycat lips") and finishing up this whole first year of college thing. no big deal.

i drew a picture of a naked lady that i intend to present to my very old brit lit professor as part of the required "creative project." i'm very excited about that. not so excited about taking the final. but that's pretty trivial. today, (thanks to www.dealcatcher.com my favorite employers) i got to go on a nickelodeon-esque shopping spree at linens 'n' things. yay, bright green teapot and fm radio shower curtain.

so this summer: i intend to go on a lot of very cool adventures and i would probably like you to accompany me on some of them. for serious. aw man, blogspot is too legit for emoticons. i thought that would have been a good place for a happy emoticon.

in closing, why can't this crazy love be miiiii-AYYYYY-YAAAAAAA-iiiiiIIIIIiiiine?! oh but it is yours, tom jones. yours AND mine.

good morning, world

2007-05-05T09:41:00.000-04:00

this entry, i assure you, was far more thought-out than the first one. ish. but i digress.

at the moment, i'm wearing a dress and getting all too excited to go to my first yard sale of the season. (my roommate and i found out yesterday that next year we'll be living in our VERY OWN apartment. this has to be the first major rite of passage i've experienced since i got my period on lance bass' birthday and became a woman. so naturally, we're going to celebrate our arrival into the adult world by buying lots of kitschy second-hand crap.) i completely lost where i was going after that obnoxiously long/expository parenthetical thought. chances are that i was somehow going to segue to spring and how i am in love with it.

i like how, in spring, the delaware campus suddenly morphs into a college brochure: groups of multi-ethnic friends assemble on the grass with their textbooks, chad starts playing some mediocre OAR covers on the guitar, todd appears with a frisbee. no lie, one day i went outside and there was a circle of brazilian dancers/chanters! and i can say definitively that 4/5 of the time that i'm out, somewhere within earshot, there's a jam band playing...or an a capella group. i'm pretty sure during the winter hiatus, jam bands and a capella groups procreate like rabbits and reappear in spring to take over the world. just a thought.

oh and, remember that time everyone was taking finals/out of school while i was still here with 3 more weeks left? yeah. i do. thanks delaware, and your brilliant "mini-mester".

well, m'loves, happy cinco de mayo. don't pound too many cervezas. and don't interject lame bits of spanish into your conversation today, like i just did.

little people. big world. myers out.

oh baby, back in the blogosphere... with a bang!

2007-05-04T00:28:00.000-04:00

actually, i apologize, that alliterative title was all too epic for the content of my return to cyberspace... seeing as i've already run out of things to say.

this is like physical therapy for the blogging-section of my brain. like celine said, "it's all coming back to me now." or was that technically meatloaf?

sometimes i sing meatloaf songs when i'm drunk.

and by that, i mean that this entry should end now.

it's good to be back, friends, admirers and confidantes.