I bet you $5 it was the girl who stole my purse

Dear whoever broke into my car and stole a handful of change:

Hope you enjoyed looking at all the sweet costumes in my trunk! If I were you, I totally would've taken the sparkly lime green leotard, but as they say, "To each his own."
Also, thanks for rooting through my trash and leaving it on the seats. It finally motivated me to clean out my car!

Love, Allie

(And by "Love" I mean "Fuck you". And by "Fuck you" I mean, "A handful of change? Really?")


General note to the felons of Newark:
I'm really not worth robbing.