COOKIEEEEEEEEEEEES!

I'm on such a link kick lately. But really, this shit is ridiculous.

A really small asian lady in a weird chair asks Big Brother for cookies. Who knew that the show Big Brother was still on the air? Let alone in it's 9th season? Let alone producing this GEM?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrPeQ14n5tE

I can't WAIT

I just looked at the cast list for VH1's I Love Money, and I'm amped.

http://blog.vh1.com/2008-05-09/i-love-money-the-full-cast-revealed/

Important Life Goals

Kanye says that when you have plans for the future, you should make it public so that the world can hold you accountable. Kanye is always right. So, here are some of the life goals I've thought up recently:

I will become part of an ABBA tribute band/impersonator group and travel the country as Anni-Frid, or maybe Agnetha.

I will be rich and successful enough that I can work from a beautifully decorated home office and hire my husband to be my secretary.

I will buy a house at some beach and give it a really stupid name.

I will own a pug and name it Winston Churchill. (Also, I will own an octopus named Ruth Bader Ginsburg.)

As a part of my mid-life crisis phase, I will open a classy soul food restaurant with my sister called Chubby Bubby's. It's logo will be an enormous black man eating chicken.

When I'm ridiculously wealthy, I will design a line of high-end bras for sizes DD and up. I think I'll call it something cheeky like "Jugs" or "Stacked." Then Target will beg me to do a special line for them and I will accept because their "plus-size bra" section is appalling.

Now, hold me accountable, readers!
LOVE,
Allie

It's the Freakin' Weeken'

Wow, I haven't posted anything in an obscene amount of time. I've been such a poor blog-keeper. But luckily, something extremely important, like R. KELLY'S ACQUITTAL, came along to bring me back into the blogosphere.

I've decided this post should be an homage to the man, the legend, the falsely-accused child pornographer: Robert Kelly.

As some other black guy once said in a far more trivial context: "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!" After inspiring and uplifting a nation ("I Believe I Can Fly"), introducing the world to a beautiful new art form ("Trapped in the Closet") and assuring white people that it's okay to use sexual cliches in R&B music ("Sex Planet", "The Zoo", "Double Up", et al), Robert Kelly has been faced with a 6-year legal battle against haters of his audacious sexual revolution (and underaged girls that he peed on.) Regardless, the free world now embraces Kelly with open arms.

In the event that you're reading this, Kels:

1. When's the next installment of Trapped in the Closet coming out? Does everyone REALLY have AIDS?

2. Can you possible delay any further legal drama until I'm out of law school? If you let me represent you, I'd totally let you pee on me. No questions asked. Just look what a stunning legal team we'd make!

Love and Utmost Respect,

Allie (Allie, Allie, Allie)