Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret Thatcher

So I came up with the solution to world peace while in the shower today. Apparently it wasn't as complicated as we all expected.

Instead of fighting wars, countries should settle disputes between the leaders themselves. Peace accords and conventions aren't very effective though, so I suggest that we instead make these agreements through highly-televised cage matches. Not to the death though; that's a bit extreme. Someone from Switzerland could be the referee. Also, I realize that some countries would have unfair advantages as far as resources go... (I suspect that Mexico has a really kickass collection of cage-fighting gear.) But I believe this method of problem-solving would be highly effective.

I urge you in the upcoming presidential election to disregard the debates, campaigns, political ideologies and all those other frivolities and instead vote for the candidate who you think would dominate in a cage match.

Make spandex costumes, not war.

Free of Turkey, Full of Thanks

In honor of Thanksgiving, I will now list things, both inane and important, that I am thankful for:

Rock of Love marathons, the fact that my siblings and I have the ability to make 3 leaf clovers with our tongues while crossing our eyes, coffee + homefries + wheat toast, working at Dealcatcher.com, the color blue (especially: seafoam, cobalt and teal), model trains, CraigsList, Sufjan's Christmas albums, my tape recorder, Lauren and Heidi for allowing me to vicariously experience "real drama", Spencer for being an all-purpose scapegoat, anyone who actually reads this list, Ray Bradbury, coloring books, being at the phase in my life in which I deny that I'll ever get old, ugliest face contests, finding the right shade of red lipstick, pugs, huge knitting needles, homemade mashed potatoes, and more so than anything else right now, being around people who GET me.

i loves it.

HAPPY T-GIVESSSSS FRIENDS

RE: New Linkage

Hello friends.

If you will notice, I've added a section of fun and fancy links for your interweb-exploring pleasure. Among them are things I've previously linked on le blog and also, my favorite e-comics and other ways I like wasting my time. Of note: Read Elyse Sewell's blog- She was the model who should have won the first season of ANTM but was robbed by effing Adrianne Curry. Fun fact: Elyse is dating a member of The Shins!

To yorkpeople: I'll be home by Tuesday/Wednesday. Hit meh up plz.

Tis all. Happy Sunday.

For a Good Time Call... SugarToes?

Alright so, normally I'm adamantly opposed to people posting obnoxious IM conversations on their blogs, xangz, what have you. However, I think the only exception to this rule lies in situations where an anonymous bisexual stalker with an insatiable foot-fetish starts a conversation with your roommate. This did, in fact, happen (thanks to a picture on Alexis' myspace in which she is wearing toe socks, we believe.)

Note: Most of Alexis' ridiculous responses are solely to instigate even more ridiculous responses from "SugarToes". She's not a freak to the best of my knowledge. Nor does she have 3 webbed toes. Also, I editted out the boring small talk and cut right into the parts of creepy foot-fetishy goodness.

So world, meet "SugarToes":

sugartoes: do u ever play with the computer wires with ur toes
Alexis O'Roommate: haha, sometimes!
sugartoes: r u usually barefoot at work?
Alexis O'Roommate: barefoot most of the time, socks get on my nerves
sugartoes: can u take them off without ur hands?
Alexis O'Roommate: yeah, but slowly if it's just with my other foot
sugartoes: u ever do it with dress socks?
Alexis O'Roommate: i usually don't wear those. I wear tights if i'm dressing up
sugartoes: stockings are so itchy
Alexis O'Roommate: haha, yeah i usually don't wear those
sugartoes: i get so horny
Alexis O'Roommate: wearing stockings?
sugartoes: yea
sugartoes: wat makes u horny?
Alexis O'Roommate: noses and pregnant women
sugartoes: preggos are sexy
sugartoes15: do u like feet?
Alexis O'Roommate: i like it when people suck on my toes!
sugartoes: feels soo good
sugartoes: wat do ur toes look like?
Alexis O'Roommate: it's going to sound kind of weird, but 3 of my toes on my left foot are webbed. Don't laugh!
sugartoes: cute
Alexis O'Roommate: how'd you get your screenname?
sugartoes: my best friend tortured me by putting sugar on my toes and made her dog lick it off
sugartoes: the dog was a he too
sugartoes: his ding dong was goin wild
sugartoes: i was spreading them
Alexis O'Roommate: your toes or your legs?
sugartoes: both
sugartoes: can i suck ur toes?
Alexis O'Roommate: online?
sugartoes: ill use the wires hehe


By that point even we were weirded out. Oh, SugarToes.

As I Eat my Tomato Lentil Couscous...

I thought I'd pass on two way cool links to my readers (because we all really need another way to waste our time on the internet). But at the very least you can do so and still feel high-minded and intellectual:

www.goodreads.com - I just joined! So I need everyone to jump on the proverbial bandwagon and friend me so that I look e-popular. It's a pretty legit site though. Not only can you keep track of (aka show off) your intimidating collection of books for the whole interweb to see, but you can also do book swaps and recommendations and all that.

www.freerice.com - Steve showed me this one. It's a way to make yourself feel esoteric and productive all at the same time! Extensive Vocabulary Knowledge + Humanitarian Efforts = M'FAV!

That's all. Back to couscous, back to reality.

Lance Sandwiches and Other Beautiful Things

I would apologize profusely for not updating sooner about "the Lance Bass Experience", however, I'm pretty sure that I've already told the story personally to all 3 of my readers. But for my own nostalgic purposes (and for my secret cult following in Japan), I'll do it all over again, blog-style!

In short, it was everything my 6th grade self had dreamed it would be. Lance was: charming, beautiful, friendly, funny, candid, open, gay and openly gay. (My 6th grade self didn't anticipate the last part, but I've come to terms with it.) When he walked into the slightly sketchy UD radio station, I think I got a little bit weak at the knees, no lie. But luckily, there were no tears, no pass-outs and I managed to avoid telling him that I'd gotten my first period on his birthday. Again, thank Jesus. I did accidentally use the term "Lance Sandwich" as Alexis and I were positioned on either side of him for a picture. Granted this was a pretty ridiculous thing to say, I don't really care because at the time... I was in the arms of Lance Bass! Oh baby. His green eyes were so piercing...His jacket was so soft... But I digress.

After somehow getting through his radio interview (despite the presence of two smoldering ladies up against the wall, smiling like idiots), Lance went on to talk about his new book to a crowd of about 300 screaming, shameless NSync fans, 30 gay guys and 3 smart straight guys who realized that lots of girls would be there. He told lots of stories and answered questions. To paraphrase the highlights: The Russian Space Program sucks. Lou Pearlman sucks. Britney doesn't suck; she just needs "guidance". He is not currently dating anyone. He prefers boxer briefs, but at the time of his lecture he was wearing briefs. Joey Fat-one is his BFF. He hopes to do another NSync album/tour. Yes, please.

All in all, it was a beautiful evening. Although, unfortunately, my life is downhill from here. I guess I can still look forward to graduating college, getting married and having babies, but come on, these events can hardly compare to meeting a member of NSync. Let's be real.

To balance out my pre-teen hero worship with teen hero worship: I saw Jonah Matranga (of Onelinedrawing, New End Original, Far etc etc) last night and he was absolutely amazing. He's a very cool guy with very cool music who cares a lot about doing music business the right way and not dicking over his fans. For this (and for the fact that he played a cover of Beyonce's "Irreplaceable"), I respect him infinitely and therefore will blatantly plug him below. So listen to his music, buy his stuff, write him a letter, see his shows, and give him a hug afterwards. He gives really good hugs.

Later, punks.

Assorted Thoughts

I don't appreciate power-tripping TAs.

My sister is a world-famous novelist, in case you didn't know.

My DigiPet is now 56 years old.

The LSAT doesn't seem too intimidating.

Maori people make the craziest faces when they want to fight you.

Mental note: add "Teal Converse All-Stars" to Christmas List.

I somehow ALWAYS mis-type Christmas as "Christman".

"Angle" instead of "Angel" is still my favorite typo.

Oh, and it won't be long before I meet Lance Bass.

(Blog update to follow.)

Channeling 6th Grade

Word on the street is that I'm going to meet Lance Bass this Wednesday. Here's how! I'll break it down for you:

Step 1: Lance Bass schedules an appearance at UD for November 7th.
Step 2: Upon learning this on move-in day, Alexis and Allie freak out.
Step 3: Tickets go on sale on October 4th.
Step 4: Allie and Alexis buy them immediately and freak out.
Step 5: On October 31st, some UD radio program holds a contest in which the 5th caller wins the ability to sit in on their interview with Lance Bass.
Step 6: Alexis hears about said contest and calls Allie.
Step 7: Alexis is caller #1.
Step 8: Alexis is caller #4.
Step 9: Allie is caller #5!
Step 10: Both Allie and Alexis are invited to the interview. Again, they freak out. This time, they both nearly cry a little bit.
Step 11: (To occur on November 7th at 7:oo p.m.) Allie and Alexis meet Lance Fucking Bass.

So that's basically the story. Currently, I'm reading Lance's memoirs, "Out of Sync", and praying to dear Jesus that I don't hypervenilate or throw up when I meet him. Both of which are highly probable. Let's hope I can play it cool.

Happy November, friends!